Jhonen's adventures in Zim Land
by Emu
Summary: Jhonen get's mysteriously sucked into the world of IZ. BOOGIE! My first IZ story so be nice or go home!
1. So the journey begins or the cult of clu...

Emu: Hello! I be Emu, if you hadn't guessed. I would just like to say that I don't own any IZ, Jhonen, Toys R Us, JTHM characters, or any other spoofs/references of things I may use. So don't sue because 1 you wouldn't get much except and evil cat and 2 I like my house and money. Right Mr. Spooky?

Spooky: Squeak!

Tenna: HEY! You can't have SPOOKY!!

Emu: Uh oh 0.0 must be off, BYE! **Runs away from a screaming Tenna**

Jhonen grabbed another handful of his beloved caffeine pills and desperately tried to fight the on-sluaght of dizzying sleep. Yawning, he grasped a pencil and madly set to work on his next brilliant achievement. After about 3 hours of erasing, re-drawing, and cursing at the pencil for continually breaking on purpose, he stood back and smiled deviously at his new creation.

         "It's so beautiful!" he sighed. "This is defiantly my best work yet! And look! It only took me…3 HOURS?! Um…0.0 Maybe the clock is off. Drat! What am I supposed to do for the rest of the night?! Erm, morning now. Wait, if it just now turned 1:00 A.M. then it would NOW be morning. So what I said was right but only then because at present the time has changed because the earth's current position, but WAIT! How do I know the clock isn't off?! And _why_ am I talking to myself?"

         Jhonen glanced irritably at the clock waiting for an answer. The clock in turn started to hum and continue ticking, oblivious to the events that had just transpired. Sighing, Jhonen slumped into his chair and tried to rack his brains for something to amuse himself. It didn't take long for him to come up with an elaborate plan. Jumping out of his chair he wildly exclaimed, " I know what I shall do! Why go through the trouble of drawing my characters when I can bring them to life!" Yes, sad to say he had been watching Frankenstein WAY too many times. He laughed maniaclly and set to work conceiving a device to bring life to his insane creations. 

         After an hour of compiling a list of greatly needed objects in order to build his all-powerful device, Jhonen quickly went over a checklist. "Alright, due to my calculations I will need some wires. **Glances at his now ransacked microwave** Check. Got plenty of those and if I run out, there's always the phone. Let's see… a spatula. Got it. A couple of screws and a LOT of glue. Check. A helmet never can be _too_ careful when trying to avoid mass head trauma. Some electric tools. Hehehe Have 'em. A treadmill, yep. A picture of a moose. YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! And… A LIVE CHICKEN?! Oh great! Where am I gonna find a _live_ chicken at _this _hour?! Hmm…I wonder if you can order them…Nah. Looks as though I'll have to go to the Toys R Us store. (AN: Yes, I'm calling it its real name for now. After all, he hasn't been sucked into his world of madness yet now has he? Of course, you might be fooled) In these days, there's no telling _what_ is now considered a toy." So, Jhonen ran to the nearest Toys R Us store _after_ realizing he had taken his car apart earlier for some other _experiment._

         Huffing and puffing, Jhonen cautiously entered the store after playing briefly with the automatic doors. (AN: HEY! It's fun!) Looking around, he slowly sauntered over to a stuffed animal aisle and started searching for a chicken. (AN: I mean if you can't have a LIVE chicken an imitation is the next best thing. They are just as dumb right?) Jhonen was about half way through the aisle when all of a sudden a little demonic looking girl ran up.

         "Ooooohhhhh…0.o Hey mister! Are you…are you….are…y-you…"

         "Am I what?!" exclaimed Jhonen irritably.

         "Are you…MY DADDY?!"

         "AM I WHAT?!!"

         "You are aren't you?!" squealed the now very evil looking child as her eyes bugged out of her head. "Mommy told me you ran away with some _other_ lady but you didn't! I know, you got lost here looking for a toy for me didn't you?! DIDN'T YOU?!!!!"

         "W-w-what?" stuttered a now VERY freaked out Jhonen. "No! I've never seen you before in my entire life!"

         "But, I love you daddy." The girl's lip began to quiver as she tried desperately not to cry.

         "Look kid, I'm sorry but I am DEFINATLY NOT your daddy!"

         The girl stood silent for about 10 seconds before wailing her head off for the whole world to hear. "DADDY DOESN"T LOVE ME NO MORE! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" (AN: Some lungs on that one.0.0)

         All the while, Jhonen was anxiously trying to slink away before the girl drew the attention of the whole store. Of course, he had no such luck. Shocked customers began to turn and stare questionably at the spectacle and soon began glaring angrily at Jhonen.

         "Can you believe that?" whispered a teenager to what people could only assume was her grandmother. "What a horrible father to make his kid cry like that! Someone ought to call security!" The grandmother (AN: We hope!) in turn shook her head sympathetically. Upon hearing the words security, Jhonen tried apprehensively to shut the kid up but to no avail. In a matter of moments, a team of big, fat, stinky guards waddled over and drew their nightsticks threateningly. 

         Jhonen knowing that he was in for it if he stuck around, tried one last time to quiet the child before jumping out a window and screaming at the top of his lungs, " I AM NOT HER DADDY!!!!!!!!!!" Then hitting the ground, he staggered away towards his house.

         Halfway to his house though, (AN: Oh come on. You didn't honestly think I would let him go _ that _easy did you?^_^) he chanced to hear a mysterious chanting and followed it down a side ally. Ducking behind an old box he peered ahead into what appeared to be a circle of cloaked figures near a fire. The chanting quickened and one cloaked figure departed but soon returned with a silver tray. Ripping his attention from the bizarre cloaked figures, Jhonen looked to the silver tray and what might his eyes behold but…A FROG!

         The VERY plump frog yawned lazily and belched loudly. It wasn't an unusual frog at all. It was the basic green, warty, and apparently disgusting amphibian that most people are used to. Jhonen wrinkled up his nose in disgust and was about to leave when the frog did something most unexpected – it talked!

         "My dear friends!" it bellowed. "We of the cult of ribbit and cluck have gathered here to pay our due respects to our holy god…the almighty BEEF!!!" A cheer erupted through the crowd and Jhonen could have sworn that he head some of the "followers" cluck. "We have stayed in the dark for too long! Getting squished by trucks and chased by the accursed KENTUCKY MAN!" (AN: **Sings** Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut. A Pizza Hut. A Pizza Hut. Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut!) Hisses resounded through the crowd at the mention of such a horrible name. "Yes, my friends I know that it stings. Don't fear though, our time has come to rise up and rule as we were always meant to! You may lower your hoods!"

         Slowly, all the surrounding figures lowered their hoods to reveal….GASP…CHICKENS?! (AN: All right, who didn't see that one coming? Come on! Come on, speak up.  HA! You all owe me a cookie!) Jhonen at this point couldn't decide if he should run screeching at the top of his lungs or try to stop these evil fowls, oh and a frog. Naturally, he stayed still and continued to watch. The frog now held his hands; er whatever you would call them, high into the air and a hush settled on the crowd. 

         "Now, if we really wish to achieve such a worthy goal, (AN: Yeah right!) we must honor the BEEF by a sacrifice!" At the end of the frog's speech the crowd started to roar, " SAC-RI-FICE! SAC-RI-FICE!" All heads turned towards a sickly looking rooster who tried to inch away in fear. 

         "Now little one! No need to fear, it is a great honor that will be bestowed upon you!"

         "Then you get sacrificed!" croaked the poor wretched soul as he was hoisted over the fire.

         "Tut. Tut. I cannot be the blessed sacrifice, for who would lead you mindless, err I mean gifted beings?"

         "I could do it!" cried the rooster in despair but was then thrown into the fire. All the remaining chickens put on sunglasses and oohhhhed and awwwwed. Meanwhile, Jhonen had just about all he could handle and sprung from behind the box at the surprised chicken mass.

         "You are all DOOM-ED! For I require a chicken and a chicken I shall have one!!!!!!!"  Pouncing at the nearest chicken, he stuffed it securely in a bag and pushed the others into a wall. (AN: A bag? How convenient.^-^) Turning, he set his sights on the demon frog, lunged forward, and grasped it tightly over the fire. 

         "Wait! You cannot destroy me!" shrieked the frog.

         "How come?"

         "Because I am the supreme BEEF master! I was destined to rule this planet!"

         "Really? Welp, now you're destined to be dinner!" Jhonen was about to drop the squirming frog into the fire when a bolt of lightning struck and electrified it. "Hmmmm….I guess that works just as well." Jhonen shrugged and then triumphantly and started trotting home. (AN: He couldn't exactly walk with a struggling chicken too well)

         After yet _another_ hour of complete insanity, Jhonen had successfully put together his precarious device. (AN: This thing is so weird I'm not even going to attempt to describe it! Though, if you must know something it looked sort of like a treadmill that exploded, was hooked to a TV, had the moose picture tacked to it, and the helpless chicken running for dear life. Poor, poor chicken) Laughing madly, he placed his helmet firmly on his head and threw a near by switch.

         "YESSSSS! WORK! WORK! RUN FASTER YOU DORKY CHICKEN! MOVE YOUR FLUFFY LEGS!!!!!!!!!"

         "Hey," panted the chicken. "This isn't easy and you expect me to be motivated by a picture of a moose? Why couldn't you have put corn meal or a worm in front of me?"

         "SILENCE! FEAR the moose for it is coming!"

         "Allllllllrighty then."

         "Good! Now for the final touch." Searching wildly, Jhonen soon found an episode of IZ and popped it into the now smoking TV set. He then pulled another switch. **Nothing happens** AHEM, he pulled ANOTHER switch. **Jhonen can be seen watching the TV and deeply admiring his work** HEELLLO! ANYBODY HOME?! 

         "Huh? Oh yeah." Jhonen threw the switch. Thank you! Dancing around with joy, Jhonen began singing. "WHOOO HOOO They will live. LIVE I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!

         "What freak have I been abducted by this time?" muttered the chicken.

         "YOU RUN! NO TALKING! Now let's see as my creations LIVE!" 

         "Whatever."

         Jhonen turned expectantly to the TV when he was blinded by none other then the moose picture that had fallen off his device. "I'm BLIND! THE MOOSE! THE MOOOOOOOOSSSEEEEEEEE!" He screamed as he started to flail his arms. At that same moment, the TV started to flash brilliantly and become squishy. Jhonen continued yelling and trying to tear off the offending moose but slipped and fell into the TV. Into…ZIM LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Emu:  Sorry about it being short. What will happen?! I don't know actually. I'm letting you all decide. Should Jhonen end up in:

A) Mrs. Bitters classroom as a new teacher or student

B) Professor Membrane's TV show

C) Zim's lab with Gir

D) On Irk

E) OR Inside Gaz's gameslave The horror! THE HORROR!

Emu: I'm leaving Jhonen's fate in your gooey hands, so review and tell me what must happen! 

Cat: Great, fools decided the fate of one poor, poor soul.

Emu: ACK! You invaded AGAIN?!  
  


Cat: You got it.

Emu: NO! NOT THIS TIME! Excuse me while I pound a certain fur head. 

Cat: Huh?0.o HELP!


	2. ATTACK OF THE EVIL LARD!

Emu: Here's the second chapter of…version 1! Yes, that's right. Since all of you reviewers seemed to like all the options SO much I have decided to write four or five different versions to this story. Here is the one for all of you who wanted Jhonen to land in Ms. Bitters' class and yes he will be attending skool regularly so enjoy!

"I'm where?! Or The horrors of teachers and fat!"

Jhonen shrieked as his body was twisted hideously out of proportion. A cow suddenly floated by, followed by a bus, a slobbering baby, and what appeared to be a singing antelope. (AN: **Sings** Oh we were strolling through the park one day. In the very merry month of May. I was taken by surprise by a pair of lovely eyes while strolling through the park one DAY!) Continuing to plummet, Jhonen began to turn an interesting shade of green and he began to hear slowly growing voices.

         "So as you can all see, eating hotdogs inevitably leads to mass explosions and incredibly stupid hotdog suit guys." The voice sounded very eerie yet some how familiar as it continued to rant about the horrors of fishing. Jhonen started to contemplate this when he hit the ground with a loud resounding SMACK! (AN: He's gonna feel THAT tomorrow!)

         Groaning, Jhonen started to slowly study his surroundings. Looking over to his left he saw a very familiar certain green alien gazing strangely at him. Over to his right his eyes soon beheld a rather peculiar looking kid with and oversized head and dressed in a black trench coat. It was then that Jhonen came to a VERY startling realization.

         "OH MY HOLY CHEESE BRAINS! I SMUDGED MY GLASSES!" (AN: Mmmm cheese)

At the mention of cheese some of the students began to run around insanely looking for its gooey goodness. (AN: Behold the power of cheese! Okay, that was a little random, yes but I'm hungry.) The class was soon becoming quite chaotic when a very loud hiss was heard. All the students immediately stopped raving and returned to their seats.

         "GET IN YOUR SEATS AND STAY THERE! If needed I will glue your pants to them and it burns! Now then you must be our new pitiful attachment to our quickly decaying student carcass. If you want to say anything you shall speak now but you already seemed to have stirred things up so take a seat."

         It was then that Jhonen made his second and slightly more important discovery. "OH MY BOLONY SOCKS! I'm stuck in my cartoon!" Once again, at the mention of any food the class began to riot and chew on inanimate objects.   Zim and Dib however began to shudder at the memory of being turned into hunks of meat. (AN: If you haven't seen that episode YOU MUST SEE IT! Tis funny. ^_^ Oh, and you haven't figured out who everyone is by now then you must stand on your head.)

         Ms. Bitters' eye began to twitch with aggravation before she lunged at a poor helpless student and glued him to his chair. All the remaining students gasped and hurriedly shuffled to their seats. "Now that you all are back in your proper place, I will continue the lesson." Ms. Bitters glanced to a dazed Jhonen and irritably told him to take his seat.

         "Um, two things. One, don't you think I'm a little OLD to be a student and two, where exactly DO I sit. The room is kind of full." Jhonen looked nervously to the figure that loomed above him and waited for the creepy reply.

         "First of all, I don't care how old you are. You're here and you will stay here until a hideous and painful doom should befall your pathetic soul. Secondly, here." Ms. Bitters looked out upon the frightened students before selecting one, some how appearing behind him, and throwing him down a HUGE ditch that happened to materialize before once again vanishing. "There, you may now take your seat for the remainder of my very important life changing lecture."

         Jhonen merely nodded as he slumped into the small desk. Seeming satisfied, Ms. Bitters levitated to the blackboard and scrawled the word "DOOM" in fat scraggly letters. Staring out into the wave of hopeless children she cleared her throat before continuing. "Now then, who can tell me what the word on the board is?" Without waiting for a reply she quickly answered her own question. "This word up here is probably the single most important word you can ever hope to know. Well, other then slow painful fate."

         "Ms. Bitters?" A small hand raised above the torrent of children. "Ms. Bitters, that last word was THREE words!" The child wore a blue button up coat, yellow shorts, and had big pudgy cheeks. 

         "SILENCE! I am the teacher and you are just a lost little piglet whose brain has been bruised with irrelevant lies. If you hope to ever become something great then you shall shut your offensive mouth and PAY CLOSE ATTENTION!" What could be identified as lasers flew from Ms. Bitters' eyes and the poor kid ended up as ash. (AN: If you don't like the lasers, too bad! I wanted to add some lasers! I sure that at least the almighty tallest Red liked them if you didn't so NAH!) "Hmm… it looks as though we have an extra seat. I suppose whoever it was I through down the endless pit of hurt can now return." Suddenly, a kid fell form the ceiling and landed on the now vacant chair. He shuddered and twitched spastically as he gazed blankly at the teacher.

         "An endless pit of hurt?! There is one in existence on this dirtball of filth?!" (AN: Three guess who that is) Zim screeched as he catapulted from his desk up to Ms. Bitters.

         "Yes Zim, now if you don't want to find out EXACTLY how much pain comes from and endless pit of hurt TAKE YOUR SEAT!"  Zim reluctantly did as he was told.

         " You SEE?! Why would a NORMAL human want to know about an endless pit of hurt?!" (AN: Poor Dib doesn't seem to know when to be quiet) Dib began to gesticulate wildly at Zim, trying desperately to convince someone.  Zim on the other hand was glaring viciously at Dibs' oversized head when Ms. Bitters intervened.

         "Dib seeing as you are too dense to know not to interrupt my very critical lecture, you may come to Skool on Saturday and hear it again on tape. I expect you to write a report on how it affects you and clean off all the desks." (AN: Ooooohhhh 0.o She IS evil!) 

         "But Zim interrupted before I did!"

         "True but you interrupted back and just plain annoy me."

         Dib sighed in exasperation as the bell for lunch rang. All the other kids ran out in a mob towards their beloved cafeteria while managing to trample a few unfortunate ones. Zim stuck his tongue out at Dib and followed the rest. Meanwhile though, Jhonen couldn't believe what had just happened but not one to complain much decided it would be alright to play along and stood to leave. Of course, he didn't get far before he happened to realize that he had no clue as to where the lunchroom was. (AN: Okay, at current I have no idea if there was an episode that showed where the lunchroom/cafeteria was so I'm gonna wing it. Sorry. Should anyone know, then you all get a nice handshake!) So, he settled for staring blankly out the doorway until Dib came to his rescue.

         "Hey. Need help finding the lunchroom?" Jhonen just nodded dumbly and started to follow the retreating form of Dib as he showed him the way. Halfway through a long winding corridor, Dib began to stare suspiciously at Jhonen and lure him into a conversation. (AN: DUNNA DUN DUN!)

         "So, how exactly did YOU get here? Last I checked the skool didn't have a sunroof entrance."

         "Oh well you see, I um, uh that is to say that I…" Jhonen's eyes shot wildly from side to side as he frantically tried to locate something to help him in his sad predicament. "I was checking the ventilation and kind of popped through."

         "Oh, well that's different. I always knew the vents needed to be repaired. You didn't manage to see an old ghost or possessed doll up there, did you?"

         "Not to my knowledge."

         "Nuts! You see, I have an odd hobby or more of an obsession of sorts. You see I…"

         "You live for the paranormal and wish to some day prove to the world that aliens exist and all that." Jhonen cut Dib off and keept walking indifferently.

         "How did YOU know that?!" gasped Dib.

         "Oh, well you see I know a lot of things you don't. I already think I know you pretty well. I guess it's just vibes I get from you, or the fact that I created you." Jhonen mumbled the last part so Dib really didn't catch. To him it sounded more like, "or the fat that cremated shoe." Dib not having any clue as to who this "shoe" was wisely chose to ignore the comment. (AN: Attack of the demon fat and flying blobs of lard with matches! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

         "You pick up vibes?! That is SO cool! Are you psychic? No wait! You're a secret agent right? That's how you know so much and you're working under cover here. I mean really, there is NO way someone your age would go to this skool, let alone end up in Ms. Bitter's class. Well, am I right?!"

         "Uh, something like that. Listen; don't let any of this get out okay? I don't want to, uh draw any unnecessary attention to myself that could endanger my "mission".

         "Hey what IS your mission?"

         "I'm here to capture an alien?"

         "NO WAY! I know who that alien is! He's Zim but no one believes me. One day they'll see though how much pain I've suffered! YES! MUAHAHAHAHAAHA! I still have a burn on my shoulder you know?"

         "Um, right. You have it all right. So, I'm here to assist you in anyway. By the way, can I stay a your house for….security reasons?"

         "Can you ever!"

         "Great. So are we there yet?"

         "No."

         "How about now?"

         "Nooo!"

         "Are…………….we……….……there…………….……yet?"

         "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, erm actually yes."

         "Finally!" Dib pushed back the lunchroom door to reveal a spacious cafeteria filled with students. Dib slowly toddled towards whom we have all come to know as Gaz, and took a seat near her. Jhonen stood making a mental note to draw the lunchroom closer to the classroom before ambling over to meet up with Dib.

         "Hey um, uh, what was your name again?" Dib questioned when he found that he had yet to discover Jhonen's name.

         "It's Jhonen" Jhonen provided. (AN: Gee, the excitement soars. Don't worry, it's about to get good^_^)

         "Right. Jhonen meet Gaz. Gaz meet Jhonen." Gaz grunted a response before ruthlessly attacking her new gameslave. Jhonen stared strangely at her before shrugging and taking a seat. Dib was about to explain an elaborate scheme to capture Zim when the alien in question pulled back a slingshot and released an unknown green substance. The green blob soared across the lunchroom but hit the wrong target. And that target happened to be a pair of fluffy little mice that had been meticulously nibbling some discarded ketchup. (AN: hey, my cat eats it so why not mice?)

         A loud unearthly shriek roared from the small bodies of mice as they began to bubble and twist. Their skin began to ooze together in big fleshy hunks and froth began to collect around them. Low hisses began to emit from the blob as it grew ten times in size. Zim whistled innocently at the back of the room as he began to slink away. Unfortunately, the move did not go unnoticed by Dib who tackled him into a tray of beans. (AN: Oh beans, beans the musical fruit….)

         "What did you do now Zim, huh? Put acid in that or maybe some sort of weird alien DNA?"

         "Get off of me stinkbeast! I merely poisoned those earth…thingys with some special mutagine."

         "WHAT?!"

         "That's right wormbaby! You are now going to be doomed! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

         "WELL SO ARE YOU!" Zim stopped mid evil laugh and considered this for a second. His eyes grew wide as he  found that Dib was in fact right.

         "Well, crudmuffin." (AN: I don't know if Zim would actually say this but it's one of my sayings that I use and I couldn't think of anything.)

         While Dib and Zim's little conversation took place the creature had successfully mutated into a mass of drooling fur with fangs. (AN: I think I'll call it Ralph. Tee hee.) About 1 minute after its transformation, it had also successfully swallowed two children, a stuffed dog, ten trashcans, and one rubber chicken that sang and danced. (AN: Oh I want one! ME! ME!) It snarled menacingly before it did something truly horrid. It…BUM BUM BUM …GRABBED JHONEN AND STUCK HIM IN A FOLD OF FAT!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH (AN: I TOLD you fat was evil) Jhonen screamed as he slowly began to suffocate but all of his cries grew faint when the creature burst through the wall and started towards the city…

Emu: EEP! What's going to happen? Will Zim and Dib save Jhonen? Will Jhonen survive the fat? And most importantly, will the lunchroom ever get closer to the classroom?!

Cat: I always knew mice were pests.

Emu: Yeah, but only because Zim made it them that way. Poor mice! WWWWWWWWWWWAAAA

Cat: The only reason you added them is because you're still mad at Mr. Belsey for accidentally stepping on one. 

Emu: **shakes fist** He shall NOT be forgiven! Do you hear me!

Cat: Didn't he call you in class and say he was sincerely sorry though?

Emu: Possibly.

Cat: Ugh. Humans.

Emu: I'm a bird DART IT! Well, okay maybe I am a human, but you're just a cat so ha!

Cat: I am a cat aren't I? And you know cats have CLAWS right? **Evil glare**

Emu: Mommy 0.o


	3. In the Belly of the Beast ACK!

Emu: I DID IT!!!!!!! I FINALLY made the third chapter!

Cat: It only took about…*Is abruptly cut off*

Emu: SILENCE OH FUZZY ONE! YOUR HARSH COMMENTS OF SUCH TRIVAL MUSHINESS MATTER NOT!

Cat: 0.o Um, what?

Emu: Huh? 

Cat: Never mind -_-

Emu: Anyway, I want to thank all of me reviewers from the bottom of my throbby heart. THANKS!!!!!!!! And I am sorry if I stole the word crudmuffin from anyone but it is universal, no? Let us drop to it in praise!

Cat: Um, no.

Emu: Oh, okay. Oh yeah, me still owns nothing now on with the fic!

A small man was calmly walking his toad when all off a sudden he happened to hear a high-pitched shriek. Turning to look behind him, he happened to see the mice fat monster before it smashed both him and his toad flat. Poor toad. (AN: Look mommy, road kill. Can I keep it?)

            Meanwhile, Jhonen slid further into the recesses of the creatures fat. He had almost completely suffocated when he fell into a small crevice. One thing bothered him though, (AN: Let's see, OTHER than the fact that he was sucked into his cartoon, had to suffer through Mrs. Bitters' lesson, and the fact that he had been swallowed by the fat of a mutant reject.) there appeared to be lights hanging from over head and a staircase of fur had suddenly appeared. Shrugging, he stood up and ambled over to the staircase when a small sign appeared.

            "Should you find yourself in the pit of an ugly mutant's fat please follow these stairs," read a bewildered Jhonen. "Well, what have I got to lose. I mean, there's only so much hope left when you are stuck in a flesh-eating monster with no possible hope for survival. And again I'm talking to my self." Sighing, Jhonen carefully made his way down the stairs and found himself in the middle of a small room. A wooden table was in the center and atop it was a single book.

            Shuffling over to the table, Jhonen peered down at the book. It was incredibly dusty but still readable. "Let's see. "The if you have come here we may assume that you are in fact stuck in a horrendous beast with no possible hope of escape and have nothing better to do and even if you did it wouldn't matter anyway because you will soon discover that you only have about two hours left of air and really need therapy or something to do book." (AN: How did they know? The writers, they be psychic, no?) "Gee, THAT'S encouraging." Jhonen stared at the book for about one minute before tearing into it. "WHAT DOES IT SAY?! TEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL MMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!"

            Most mysteriously, the book began to speak. "Must you really be so loud? Don't look so surprised, didn't you read the warning?"

            "Um, no. I didn't see a warning. Oh you mean the one that says that this book has a mind of its own?"

            "YES! What did you think that meant? Did you think that they were lying?"

            "Um, I guess. But who's they?"

            "The writers you twit. Why is it the stupid ones are always sucked up by the mutants?"

            "Well excuse me for never believing in magic, RUDE talking books."

            "Well pardon me for being bluntly honest. Now, I am here to try and keep you sane for the remainder of your stay or until you die from lack of oxygen."

            "SANE?! I'm talking to a BOOK!" (AN: He seems to have missed the IMPOTANT part in that sentence)

            "Is that a problem? I mean, look at me. I'm talking to a human but you don't see me screaming about it."

            "But that's different! I mean, um. Oh never mind. So, I guess I'm stuck here. What exactly are we supposed to do?"

            "Well, we could hold a discussion upon the possibilities of time travel and the atomic theory."

            Jhonen just stared at the book blankly before replying, "Seriously though."

            "Well, actually I normally watch a movie or play poker."

            So, Jhonen and the book soon found themselves playing a rousing game of five card draw.

            Elsewhere, Dib and Zim were frantically trying to construct a giant laser to destroy the beast. It consisted of a fluffy teddy bear, some metal, some wires, some technical stuff, and a plunger that as known as Mary loo. Needless to say, it was not going very well. (AN: Oh Mary, how you have changed!)

            "You can't attach it THAT way! You must be consistent and do it like THIS! What are you? A complete moron?" (AN: My Latin teacher told us that moron meant old man without a stick. Tee hee)

            "QUIET! You wormbaby, I KNOW what I am doing! I am ZIM and ZIM knows all."

            "OH REALLY? If "Zim" did really know all then maybe HE wouldn't have been STUPID enough to let loose a giant fat….thing."

            "Yes well, he KNEW what he was doing but the beast did not. It is its fault."

            "Oh yeah, sure. Why do you keep talking about yourself in third person?"

            "HE does not know filthy spawn of a human germ creature."

            "You need help." (AN: She knows how Zim feels.)

            After about another 20 minutes of petty bickering, insults, and being hit by a semi because they had accidentally started construction on a major highway, Dib and Zim were finally ready to pursue the giant blob of mouse, erm mice fat. (AN: There USED to be two of them at least.)

            "Alright. Now all we have to do is track the ugly thing, blast, and go home before anyone notices," said Dib. (AN: Oh, and in case you are wondering, because I KNOW you are, school by some miracle let out early because, well half of the roof caved in when the mouse thing took out most of the wall.)

            "Fine. Let me handle the laser and you can track it," stated Zim, eyeing the laser deviously.

            "WHAT?! You expect me to trust YOU with the laser?"

            "Yes."

            "NOT A CHANCE YOU ALIEN!!!!!"  
            "I don't know what you are talking about you silly, sad little dirt brained stinkbeast."

            "I AM GOING TO HANDLE THE LASER AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN JUST GO GET HIT BY AN OLD CRAZED LADY WHO IS SPEEDING AND CAN'T SEE A DARN THING!!!!!!!!!" Needless to say, Dib ended up with the laser. As the two ran furiously down the street, the fat thingy was destroying the mall.

            Meanwhile, the fat creature was currently in the toy factory. It gazed gleefully at all the amazing toys that its incredibly crazed mind couldn't even begin to comprehend. Squealing with glee, it began to dance idiotically upon a pill of Barbie dolls. (AN: YEEEESSS! DANCE UPON THOSE LITTLE PLASTIC HORRORS! DANCE!) Soon, it flopped down and began to play with them. **Now activating huge fat mouse thingy translator so that you may all understand what it was saying**

            "Oh Ken, you're so big and strong. Your hair is SO magnificent," imitated the fat thingy while holding up a Barbie in a ski out fit and a Ken doll.

            "Why thank you Barbie. I painted my hair on myself."

            "Well, it SO sexy." 

            "Little did mountain fun Barbie and Ken know that deep within the bikini Barbie's plastic wrap sat the envious John, the GI Joe," narrated the fat. Pretty soon, John had declared a war on Ken and the victor would get Barbie. Before anyone won though, the fat grew bored and ate everyone. (AN: NOOOOO JOHN! COME BBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK)

            Deep inside the hollows of the creature, Jhonen and the book were mildly surprised to see three half eaten figures drop down from the ceiling. 

"Hey," said the half digested John. "What are you two doing?"

"Playing poker," replied a slightly surprised Jhonen. (AN: So many strange things have happened why not talking dolls?)

"YEAH! I wanna play!" yelled Barbie.

"You can't play you hussy!" screamed Ken in accusation. 

All of a sudden, Barbie morphed into a giant hideous snake and bit off Ken's head before spitting it back out. Ken struggled to find glue as John agreed that Barbie be allowed to play. Jhonen and the book whispered for ten seconds before nodding their heads. Shrugging, they picked up the toys and dealed them in.

            Back to the fat thingy… The fat thingy yawned and lazily lumbered around the mall. It had already checked out the video games, destroyed the kiddie playpen, knocked over some trashcans, used police officers to bowl, and successfully scared everyone in sight. It was about to head over to attack a shoe department when an earthquake struck; well actually it was its stomach growling. (AN: **Falls over in pain** SO HUNGERY! NEED FOOD! WANT A DONUT! Mmmmm… donuts.) Peering around a corner, it quickly found a pizza department and started to saunter over.

            Inside the pizza department, a rather familiar girl sat with her beloved pizza and gameslave. (AN: Can you guess who it is? CAN YOU?! Hint, it be Gaz!!!!!!!) She slammed ruthlessly on the video games buttons and was about to chew on her pizza when the fat beast swept by. It stared at her for about two seconds before licking up her pizza and proceeding to chew on the cash register. Gaz's eyes bugged out of her head and her small fist clenched into a tight ball. "I swear that today until the end of the day, I will rain a vast amount of misery upon you. YOU STINKING BALL OF FAT! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! THE PIZZA KING?! YOU ARE'NT! DO YOU HEAR MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All the windows within a five-mile radius shattered. (AN: Ohhh maybe she should be an opera singer. LA Lalalala LA LA LAL LALALALALA LLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!) Unfortunately, the fat thing had managed to slink away. Gaz just shrugged, grabbed her gameslave, and vanished into the mall.

            Switching tracks, we find Dib and Zim who have managed to find the fat creature by using the tracker? No, by using amazing thought and skill? Nope, they just followed the trail of mass destruction left across the city.  They now found themselves about ten, cough twenty cough, feet away from the monster.

            "Okay, here's the plan alien so listen up. I will throw a dog bone to distract it, then you run out screaming insanely, while it's confused I'll sneak up on it and BLAST IT!"

            "HOLD IT! Why don't I blast it! I am far superior to YOU!"

            "WHAT?! No way!" Pretty soon, Dib and Zim got into a HUGE battle over the laser and began to beat each other senseless with…BUM BUM BUM… hangers! **Screams are heard** (AN: Dramatic no?) Their movements did not go unnoticed by the fat beast though; it casually sat down and ate popcorn as it watched the fight. Just when Zim had FIANLY jerked the laser from Dib, Gaz appeared. Calmly walking over to Zim, she punched his stomach and grabbed the laser.

            "OW! MY SQ…" he was abruptly cut off by an evil glare from Gaz. Zim grinned fearfully and stepped backwards. Turning around, Gaz approached the now VERY freaked out creature…thingy and simply pulled the trigger to the laser. Giant chunks of mouse, er mice fat flew every which way and Jhonen ended out sprawled on the floor with mouse, um mice mucus and innards all over him.

            "NO ONE messes with MY pizza." Gaz slowly wandered away leaving a very stunned Dib and Zim.

            "Dumb stinkbeast, I wanted to do that. Be happy though Dib, she saved you the humiliation of ME destroying it." Before Dib could scream back a remark, Zim had already vanished. Running over to Jhonen, he checked to make sure that he was okay and then dragged his prone body home. (AN: A lot of commas, no?) Jhonen could only look on in confusion as he clutched the magic book.

Emu: I DID IT! I finished chapter three!

Cat: Whoo hoo. Yeah. Frolic and jump with immense joy.

Emu: Well, gee thanks. Anyway, in the next chapter Jhonen starts his second day of school and I'm going to work in a …BUM BUM BUM…PLOT!!!!!  
Cat: A plot?

Emu: Yes and you have to …BUM BUM BUM… when you say it.

Cat: Why?

Emu: DON'T DISAGREE YOU WALKING FUZZ!

Cat: Yeah, sure. 

Emu: One last thing, THE MICE WILL RETURN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA **Runs around before she hits a door** OOFF! Owie.

Cat: What a loser. **Eye roll** -_-


	4. A Plot for you! Oh, plus a chicken

Emu: **Stares blankly at the computer** Uhhhh

Cat: Still trying hopelessly to incorporate a pathetic plot that makes no sense?

Emu: **Nods dumbly**

Cat: HA! I told you that you couldn't do it!

Emu: **Slams head against desk** WAIT! I've got it! **Types furiously**

Cat: **Leans over Emu's shoulder** You call THAT monstrosity a plot?!

Emu: Hmmmm…yes?

Cat: Hopeless.-_-

Emu: Well, here is my attempt at a…BUM BUM BUM… plot! Oh yeah, and in this chapter is a guest appearance or two to thank some of my reviewers. If you want one tell me and give me the name you want to go by. Be warned though, it will not be a long appearance and you may end up eaten. Lastly, I still own near to nothing. I don't even own the chicken. That I borrowed from Evil Ducky. THANKS EVIL! 

Jhonen sighed and wished with all of his being that he had a set of earplugs. Why? Why did he let Dib into talking him into suffering another day of skool? He was presently crumpled up in a tiny desk and once again was stuck hearing another of Ms. Bitters' doom lectures.

            "And so class as you can plainly, let me stress PLAINLY for those of you without the thinking capability to comprehend such subjects; see that being a hippie with long hair only led to horrible shaving accidents of DOOM! And further more, if you look at the drugs of that time you can conclude that…" Unfortunately, (AN: Not really) Ms. Bitters' lecture was interrupted by an abrupt buzzing from the intercom.

            "What?" a shrill voice boomed out of the badly rusting speaker. "YES! It IS on! Oh and how would YOU know?! You're just too busy watching your "soap opera" to notice. Oh yeah right. What? Why would I care if you had popcorn? (AN: mmmm popcorn. Yummy!) Really? Uh huh? WHAT?! He DIDN'T! He DID? This I HAVE to see. He IS! NO JOE! That isn't MARSHA! You IDIOT! That's her twin sister who is a cross-dresser for the circus. NO! NOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE MONKEY! NO! The monkey TOO!(AN: Lousy cheating monkey! I KNEW he couldn't be trusted but did they listen to ME?! HUH? NO!) WHY?! WHY WITH ALL THAT IS HOLY?! WHHYYY?!

GIVE ME THAT POCORN! No YOU do the announcement. I don't CARE if it's on! OH BE QUIET! NO YOU! Oh STUFF IT UP YOURS! TAKE THAT THEN!"  A lot of screaming and thumping was heard. The class glanced curiously at the intercom but all became a little uneasy when they were a gunshot. (AN: Be afraid! BE VERY afraid!) About ten seconds later the same voice came on.

            "Do to some difficulties beyond our control and the fact that a commercial is on, I will now make a startling announcement. Sadly, our guidance counselor has become the victim of a freak pizza boy incident and is in the hospital. (AN: Those pizza boys never can be trusted) If one of you teachers would kindly send someone up to cover for him for the day it would be much appreciated. Oh yeah, and could we get more popcorn and a mop up here?" The transmission ended and Ms. Bitters' stared strangely at the intercom before turning back to the class.

            "Alright you bunch of sad little mutants, which of you will be filling in?" No one raised their hands and crickets were heard. Ms. Bitters' slithered behind her desk and pressed a button. An electrical current flew through the air and hit Jhonen, who in turn jumped up shrieking. "It appears that we have a volunteer. You, report to the guidance counselors' office." 

            "But I didn't…" Jhonen tried to argue but shut up when he saw Ms. Bitters' reaching for the electric button. " I mean, RIGHT AWAY!" With that, Jhonen promptly wasted no time in rushing out of the classroom.

            Once in the hall, Jhonen looked around for the guidance counselors' office. To his relief, he soon found it and timidly shuffled in. (AN: NO! Don't do it!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH) Jhonen's jaw fell open when he looked at the office and its contents. The walls were covered with pink flowers and giant teddy bears sat staring lifeless from all angles. A single small desk was bolted to the floor. Upon it was a mug with a demonic looking smilie face that read "Here to please" on it. The only other piece of furniture was a beanbag that was painted a bright green with bunnies on it. Needless to say, Jhonen was very unnerved.

            "WHAT EVIL PLACE IS THIS?!" Jhonen screamed.

            "Well, it appears to be the office of an insecure psychopath who pretends to help poor wretched souls more lost than his own."  Jhonen started when he heard the voice but soon realized whom it was. (AN: Make your guesses now!) Turning, Jhonen saw the magic book from before placed upon the desk. "Don't look so shocked. Did you really think that you could rid yourself of me THAT easily?"

            "I guess not but how on earth did you get here? I thought I left you at Dibs."

            "You did but remember I'm magic," said the book with authority.

            "Great. I'm stuck in an evil office with a talking book. Joy."

            "Yes, well you try talking to yourself sometime. It isn't exactly glamorous."

            "HEY! Are you implying that I hold conversations with my self and do THINGS?!"

            "Well, yes."

            "Oh." Just then a giant puff of smoke exploded from nowhere. Swirling, it changed colors and brilliantly began to glow. Just when it had created a mini tornado, it began to take shape. Small feet popped out of the smoke and soon two feathery wings accompanied them. A small beak protruded from the cloud and in a matter of seconds a red waddle appeared as well. The smoke swiftly dissipated leaving a floating, green chicken in its wake. The chicken turned and stared with bright luminescent green eyes.

            "SQUWAK!" it shrieked. It then began to peck furiously a t a nearby teddy bear. (AN: POWER TO THE CHICKENS!)

            "Um, who might you be?" asked Jhonen after he had gotten over the initial shock of seeing such a spectacle.

            "Who me?" questioned the chicken.

            "No, the OTHER radio active chicken," replied the book sarcastically.

            "Where?" the chicken looked confused.

            "Pay no attention to him," cut in Jhonen. "So, who are you and what do you want? WHAT?"

            "Well, I am one of Evil Ducky's famous radio active chickens and I am here to vanquish theses evil teddy bears. Oh yeah, I am also supposed to tell you how you can get home. PWAK!"

            "Well? HOW CAN I GET HOME?"

            "You can…hold on," the chicken cleared its throat and continued in an eerie voice. "You can only return to your mortal world if you find and obtain the holy printer of inkyness. It will get you home! OOOooooooo. PACOCK!"

            "Holy printer of inkyness? What kind of thing is THAT?"

            "Why would I know? Look, just find it and it will get you home no more questions." With that the chicken disappeared but soon returned. It kicked the bear once more, then pleased left.

            "Okay. HEY! How am I supposed to find the holy printer of inkyness?"

            "Well, I do happen to have a chapter about it in me."

            "Really?"

            "No, I'm lying. YES REALLY!"

            "Alright then let's see it."

            "No can do."

            "WHAT?! WHY?"

            "You have a job to do. When the day is through I'll give it to you. Hey I'm a poet don't ya know it." At precisely that instant a very large, burly woman burst into the room and flopped down on the beanbag. She took out her purse and look around in it for a while before producing a camera.

            "Well," she said as her pudgy cheeks flapped up and down. "I'm ready to go."

            "Um, go where?" asked Jhonen in astonishment. 

            "You are the guide right? I want my tour! So, let's go!"

            "Tour? Guide? What? Oh wait, you've mistaken me for a TOUR guide. I am the GUIDEANCE counselor."

            "The what? Wait, so you give tours on counselors?"

            "NO! I help people with their problems."

            "Oh, well can you help me? I need to find a tour because I'm a tourist and that is what I do."

            "Not THAT type of problem. I mean I help people with their psychological problems."

            "ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M INSANE?!"

            "I didn't say that!"

            "YOU DID! YOU DID!" The woman jumped and began to flail her arms. "I AM NOT CRAZY SO HELP ME! I DID NOT JUST BRAKE OUT OF AN INSANE ASYLUM! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO! NOT ME!" Grabbing a nearby broom that had mysteriously appeared, the woman viscously attacked the teddy bears nearby before chewing on the wallpaper. "NO! YOU WON'T TAKE ME GODZILLA!"  
            "Um, maybe you should lie down." Jhonen began to back away when the woman dove at the small window in the door. Jumping through the window, or attempting to, the woman had efficiently gotten her self stuck and was screaming and in a most disturbing manor. The door started to groan under her massive weight and rapidly collapsed. Yelling that the rubber chickens could not be trusted, she ran off down the hallway leaving a very freaked Jhonen.

            "That didn't just happen."

            "I won't tell if you don't." the book and Jhonen nodded in agreement. It wasn't long though before their peace was interrupted when a small girl walked into the now practically destroyed room. Looking up her eyes grew ten times their size and she squealed in delight.

            "OH! MY! GOSH! You're Jhonen!" she cried leaping at Jhonen who in turn side stepped and backed up."

            "Uh, yeah I am. Who are you?" Jhonen asked while desperately trying to think of an escape route.

            "Weeeellllll. Since you asked, I am Lauren. I am a student in Ms. Bitters' class that no one knows about because I really come from your world and I just decided one day to show up and I did and no one noticed and so I just hang out there sometimes and I was sent here because they all thought I was a little hyper active and just plain sugar crazy and now I am very happy and CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH OR TOUCH YOUR COAT OR POKE YOU?!" (AN: Wow. Can we say run on sentence?)

            Jhonen blinked slowly before pulling out a pen and writing his autograph on the child's boot. "Here, is that good?"

            "YES! Wait till my friends hear! THEY WILL BE SO ENVIOUS!" Lauren exclaimed and stood staring at Jhonen absurdly. After about five minutes of an uncomfortable silence, Jhonen cleared his throat.

            "Um, are you leaving?"

            "Nooooo."

            "Oh, why not?"

            "Because."

            "Because why?"

            "I have plans to capture you."

            "Well, that's nice." More staring occurred. Suddenly, Lauren lunged at Jhonen who screamed and hit her over the head with a fire extinguisher. Lauren fell limply to the floor smiling eerily. (An: Beware. BEWARE OF THE FANS! AAAAAAAAAA) At that moment the bell rang notifying the end of skool. Jhonen sighed in relief, grabbed the magic book, and headed to Dib's house.

Emu: Um, I wonder if you know who is okay.

Cat: You only knocked her out.

Emu: I DIDN'T! That was Jhonen.

Cat: Riiiigghhhhttt.

Emu: Anywho, for those of you who were wondering where lunch went, pretend that Jhonen filled in AFTER lunch, k? Oh, and when I finish this I'm gonna make an extra chapter filled with Jhonen and his OTHER patients which were not in this chapter.

Cat: Why would you do that?

Emu: BECAUSE! It be fun. Tee hee


	5. Paper Troubles or GUESTS! GUEST! EVERYWH...

Emu: LOOK AT IT! 

Cat: At what?

Emu: It be chapter 5.

Cat: Oh great, so what did you steal from whom this time?

Emu: Whatever do you mean? **Smiles innocently**

Cat: Well, you STOLE that chicken and made Lauren black out.

Emu: I'll make it up to her and what chicken? **Hides a chicken under her jacket**

Cat: **Eye roll**

Emu: Anyway, here we go again! Sorry for some bad grammar but me spell check is being poopy and I be lazy. Oh, and more guest appearances! YAY! Be you not in this chapter and you asked me for an appearance, fear not! NEXT YOU WILL APPEAR! Now be quiet you! **Stuffs chicken in pillowcase** YOU SAW NOTHING! NOTHING!

Cat: You need help.

         Today we find Jhonen walking calmly down the road with the magic book tucked securely under one arm. It is a brilliant Saturday morning and Skool is temporarily closed. Dib decided that he would create yet another new device to get Zim and Jhonen wisely decided to take a walk instead of partaking in what were sure to be disastrous events. Thus, we find him whistling merrily as he makes his way down the street.

         "Where pray tell are we going exactly?" questioned the magic book irritably.

         "Heck if I should know," Jhonen replied happily.

         "What are YOU so happy about?"

         "Well, the chicken said that there was a way out of here right?"

         "That it did."

         "So, that means that there's HOPE!" 

         "Right. Did it ever occur to you that we have NO clue as to where this holy printer of inkyness is?" (AN: A minor detail.) Just then, a newsboy complete with stand seemed to materialize out of nowhere and began to scream out news headings.

         "Cow eats all of Nebraska! An Emu has taken over the Australian Embassy! (AN: Why, I wonder who THAT would be? Tee hee) A guy with an oversized head is a national hero for plugging up a hole in a dam! I WANT MY MOMMY! Where HAVE all the flowers gone? That guy smells funny! Oldest woman alive is being held for assault on a French chef! There are bugs in my PANTS! GIVE ME THAT BOB YOU COMPLETE MORON I'M TYPING SO NA-OH YEAH-YEAH-TAKE THIS YOU STUPID FART BRAIN-NO YOU DON'T-ONE STEP CLOSER AND I WILL USE THE WHIP CREAM-YOU WOULD'T-YES I WOUKLD-DIE-HA-NOOOOOO MY EYES HOW THEY BURN-HAHAHA YEEEEESSSSSSSS I RULE THE COMPUTER-OH NO YOU DON'T-ACK!!! The holy printer of inkyness knows all! Can you pass the tarter sauce?"  Jhonen flung a nearby man out of the way as he sprinted over to the newspaper boy. The man gave a weak yelp before he fell down the manhole with an audible slpoosh. (AN: Poor little man, I hope the gators don't find him)  Screeching to a stop, Jhonen yanked on the newsboys shirt collar and stared at him absurdly.

         "WHAT was that last headline?" shrieked Jhonen.

         "You mean can you pass the tarter sauce?"

         "NO! THE OTHER ONE!!!"

         "The one about the holy printer of inkyness?"

         "YES!"

         "Um, what about it?"

         "Does an article that perhaps reveals the current location of the printer accompany the headlines?"

         "Well, sure."

         "THEN BESTOWE UPON ME IT'S MIGHTY KNOWLEDGE!" Jhonen screamed as he tried to swipe a newspaper from the boy's hand.

         "Uh dude? You kinda have to you know, pay for it," said the newsboy as he ripped the paper out of Jhonen's clutches.

         "BUT I HAVE NO MONEY WITH ME!"

         "Boy, sucks for you huh? Sorry." The newsboy shrugged and went back to shouting out the headlines. Jhonen sighed in aggravation and snapped his fingers. 

         "Well, that really did nothing for us now did it?" said the book sarcastically.

         "If only there was someway that we could get that paper!" The moment those fateful words left Jhonen's mouth that a shadow fell across the pavement. Turning, Jhonen found himself staring at a girl draped in a black trench coat, combat boots were tied on her feet, sunglasses glinted the suns rays, and she also had a black headband on that read "Here I am" in blue letters. She looked calmly at Jhonen and poked a watch that just appeared. (AN: I begging to notice that things seem to just appear a lot.) 

         "So," breathed the mysterious girl. "You wanted a news paper?"

         "Excuse me," replied Jhonen. "BUT WHO IN THE NAME OF A DUCK SUBMERSED IN TABASCO SAUCE ARE YOU?!"

         "Oh me? I am just a nameless wandering soul searching for answers no one asks and whispering truths of the future." Jhonen just stood there blinking before the girl giggled. "Actually, I'm a fan of yours from the other world that goes by the name of Cyn. Sorry, but I couldn't help myself." Jhonen stood there uncomprehending for all of 15 seconds before he screamed and jumped backwards.

         "A FAN?! You aren't insane are you or going to do anything creepy like eat me or stick me in a glass case are you?" (AN: Now for a mere 3 million dollars it's Jhonen in a box! Comes complete with agitation, massive shrieking capabilities, and a rude magic book! What wondrous fun!)

         "Of course not. I'm just her to help you with your current problem."

         "Oh, okay. So, can you get me a newspaper?" 

         "Observe," stated Cyn as she pulled out a plastic bag. Placing securely over her head she began to chant, "I am invisible. I AM invisible. Be shocked and amazed." 

         "She can't be serious." However, in less than 2 minutes Cyn returned proudly carrying a newspaper and leaving a dumbfounded newsboy in her wake. 

         "Here you go!" Cyn happily cried tossing the newspaper at Jhonen.

         "Uh, thanks."

         "No problem! Now I'm off to go stop crime! WATCH AS I JUMP DOWN MY MAGIC MANHOLE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cyn turned and dived into the manhole that the unfortunate man fell into earlier. Jhonen's eyes grew enormous as Cyn could be heard screaming, "Wait a minute. This isn't MY magic manhole. Where am I? Is that you aunt Berta? Huh? AHHHH! It's a gator! HELP! HELP! I KNEW I should have invested in that gator proof trench coat! ACK!" (AN: I warned you about requesting to be in my fic but you just didn't listen now did you!) Jhonen stared at the manhole fixedly for a few minutes before glancing at the bizarre newspaper. He was about to begin reading the holy printer of inkyness article when a girl came parachuting out of nowhere and landed near the manhole. She was dressed in a nice suit and grasping a microphone. Pulling out what looked like a small blue pill, she flung it at the ground and WALA! Insta cameraman.

         "I'm reporting to you live by the legendary gator manhole where a young unsuspecting victim has just plummeted to her doom," opined the young newscaster. Jhonen gazed at the girl in surprise before wandering over and tapping her on the shoulder.

         "Pardon me, but who are you and what are you doing?"

         "Don cut!" yelled the girl to the cameraman.

         "Okie dokie but we were never rolling in the first place."

         "We weren't?"

         "Nope. I forgot the film."

         "Oh well, that's what I get for a cheap second-hand instant Cameraman." Turning the girl addressed Jhonen. "Okay, so what did you…Hey wait a second. Aren't you Jhonen? As in the one that created this cartoon?"

         "PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOUR ANOTHER INSANE FAN!"

         "Me? I may be a little insane at times but I'm not gonna go nuts and try to capture you if that's what you mean."

         "You aren't?"

         "Um, not to my current knowledge."

         "Oh, that's good," Jhonen sighed in relief.  Scratching his head, Jhonen asked, "So, who are you?"

         "I'm Maniacal Dragon and at the present I am a newscaster informing the world of the news….stuff."

         "Stuff? What stuff?"

         "Well, I cover all of the weird stuff. You know, like this manhole and a giant fish in a bear suit." (AN: THE FISH! IT DID COME! FEAR! FEAR!)

         "Oh. Why are you looking at me like that?" Jhonen questioned as Maniacal Dragon stared intensely at Jhonen.

         "Oh, I just want to remember how you look before that mob of psycho fan girls dismembers you."

         "What mob of…" Jhonen's sentence was cut off as his eyes bugged out of his head. About twenty feet away was a HUGE mob of psycho fan girls carrying I Love Jhonen signs. "It looks like Lauren went and told everyone."

         "Well, um, actually, Lauren didn't. She also told me to tell you that she's deeply sorry about going nutzo earlier. Of course, right after she told me that she started drawing up plans on how to rule all of the worlds donuts supply and then take over Irk." (AN: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY DONUTS! DO YOU HEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?! NEVER!)

         "Well, if she didn't then who did?" Jhonen sat contemplating for a minute than gasped. "YOU?!"

         "Guilty," answered Maniacal Dragon. "I'm sorry but it was a hot story and I had to get it. However, if it makes you feel better I will try to distract them while you run away screaming."

         "That would work." Maniacal Dragon nodded before placing a helmet over her head and suddenly was adorned in some really spiffy combat armor. Pointing at the fans she released a giant fireball straight at them. Half were left very badly burned and she blew smoke from her finger. Then, pulling out a sword she let out a war cry before charging at the enemy.

         "How long do you think before they get her?" asked the book.

         "I'd say no more then 10 minutes." And it is very tragic indeed; however, Maniacal Dragon was soon seemingly devoured by the hoard of insane fans. Of course, she did not perish before laughing madly and blowing up half of the remaining fans. (AN: If you gotta go, why not take some friends along for the ride?) "She fought the valiant fight," sighed Jhonen as he sniffled. 

         "Well, you definitely cannot deny that she went out with a bang." (AN: Literally.)

         "True. Um shouldn't we be running right about now or something?"

         "Yes, but you run."

         "WHY ME?!"

         "BECAUSE, you're the one with legs." (AN: THEY ARE?! Huh? Well what do you know; I thought I had taken care of that little set back already.)

         "Really? WOW! They ARE still attached aren't they?"

         "Quite." And that said, Jhonen gave his best, shrill scream and ran like mad. Behind Jhonen, the crowd of fans began to squish together in a mass of color.

         "ULTRA INSANE FANS MORPH TO…INSANE FAN BLOB MONSTER THING THAT SMELLS AND HAS A NIFFTY LITTLE SUITCASE FOR NO APPARENT REASON!" Sure enough, the fans formed to make a messy blob with a suitcase. (AN: For no apparent reason. HOW DO I DO IT! HOW?!)

         "My, that was cliché," uttered the book.

         "Don't forget disturbing." Jhonen looked at the blob that was swiftly speeding towards him. Fans bodies tumbled over one another and shrieked loudly. (AN: It's da wave! Now, you stand and now you and then we shall crush you and then…) Jhonen was so fascinated by the whole event that he forgot where he was going and slammed into a brick wall. "Owie." Looking around frantically for an escape route, Jhonen screamed when a taxi literally flew out of nowhere. Not wasting anytime seeing as the blob was getting near, Jhonen jumped in the taxi, which flew away into the air in the nick of time.

         "Looks as though you could use a lift?" questioned the driver.

         "Yea. THANK YOU!"

         "No problem, anything for THE MIGHTY JHONEN!"

         "HOLD IT! IF YOU ARE AN INSANE MANIAC FAN OF MINE YOU CAN JUST THROW ME OUT OF THE WINDOW NOW!"

         The driver guffawed and replied, "No. I'm not like THAT! I prefer to fly around space and defeat horrendously ugly villains and save the occasional innocent from monstrosities such as that. I especially like my mega bazooka 2000 with retro drive."

         "OOOOO You have a bazooka?" (AN: WHAT JOY!)

         "Yep. No only that though, I have enough firepower to blow everything to Pluto. Although, if I used the reserves to you might go even further."

         "NEATO!" Jhonen cried.

         "So, you want me to drop you off at Dib's place?"

         "YEP! Thanks again. Hey, do you want an autograph or something."

         "If you would be so kind as to sign my pet rock that would make my day." (AN: I believe that the rock was once known as Eddie but in about a week it will be thrown into some molten lava by the vengeful little fluffball people since they claim that it borrowed their noses and refused to return them)

         "Um, oookkkkaaayyy.0.o Who should I make it out to?"

         "I am...DUN DUN DUN…FOXSTAR! Dunn nu nun nunnnnnnn!"

         "You watch way too much TV."

         "Proud of it. Here we are," said Foxstar as Foxstar booted Jhonen out. Jhonen landed with a plop on the concrete. "One last thing, have you perchance seen Maniacal Dragon?"

         "Yes, actually I have," muttered Jhonen as he rubbed his head. "She was eaten by that blob of, *shudder*, fans."

         "WHAT?! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO! HOLD ON Maniacal Dragon I SAVE AVENGE THE WITH MY MIGHTY ROCK! WAHA!" The taxi disappeared in a cloud off pollution as it quickly sped off.

         "That was…interesting," commented the book. Jhonen simply nodded but turned around when he heard some screaming. A second later, Dib flew over Zim's fence and landed on the sidewalk in a daze. A single lawn gnome came forward and shook it hand at Dib in a "naughty, naughty" matter. Jhonen looked at the book, tucked a now charred newspaper under his arm, and dragged Dib inside.

Emu: THER YOU ARE!

Cat: You are ending it there? He didn't even get to read the newspaper!  
Emu: Well, I guess I just got lazy. Really though, my lips hurt. They got sunburned when I went skiing. Ow.-_-

Cat: AND NOW YOU HAVE A RED BEARD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH **Rolls around laughing**

Emu: If my arms still functioned, I'd hurt you. I never should have hiked across a mountain in ski boots in hip deep snow on a black run. But then again, it was sort of fun to laugh crazily at people when I was flying down at insane speeds. Tee hee. BESIDES, Wogga looks worse then me so there!

Cat: Whatever you say…OH BEARDED ONE! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Emu: Grrrr


	6. A dream or to trap a bum

Emu: WOW! I was right about the gators. I must be psychic.

Puppetmon: Then what am I thinking?

Emu: Um, about a tank with a HUGE arsenal?

Puppetmon: Lucky guess.

Emu: ^_^ Anyway, sorry for all prior mistakes and one in the future that pertain to grammer. My computer's spell check is STILL devious. So, here you go. Puppetmon?

Puppetmon: If you think Emu owns anything, you are deathly wrong! DO YOU HEAR ME?! And if you don't, then you haven't been paying attention and you will PAY! PPPPAAAAYYY! 

Cat: Wait, allow me. Ahem, MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jhonen looked around in complete confusion as he found himself shrouded in a deep blue mist. Small droplets of water clung to his hair and he irritably tried to brush them off. It was around that time that a chicken that looked oddly familiar, ran by being chased by none other than the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy. (AN: AHHH RUN FOR YOUR FEATHERS! IT BE THE EVIL CHICKEN BOUNTY HUNTER! AND he has a beard) 

            "Get back here! You have already been paid for and the customer would prefer that you are cooked!" the Kentucky man cried as he tried to nab the chicken.

            "YOU ARE CRAZY! Why don't YOU dress up as a chicken and sell YOURSELF!" the chicken screamed in reply. The Kentucky man surprisingly stopped and considered this option for a moment. Unfortunately for the chicken though, the Kentucky man decided that he didn't have enough money to rent a chicken suite AND go top the horse races. So shrugging, he pulled out a butcher's knife and proceeded to pursue the unlucky foul.

            Jhonen blinked a couple of times as the pair quickly vanished. "That was…um….well…just…I CAN'T THINK OF THE PROPER WORD TO DESCRIBE THAT!" Jhonen shrieked and began to run in circles. (AN: Oh no, the world is ENDING!) Jhonen continued to scream until he happened to spy something green radiating in the distance. Squinting, he followed it until he found the source.

            The chickens regarded Jhonen with bewilderment as he stared at them eye to eye.  The apparent leader stepped forward and squawked loudly at this new intruder. It then pecked at he fence that separated them furiously. The other chickens gazed at the leader who nodded. In a silent agreement, the rest came forward and attacked the fence. 

            Jhonen's eyes bulged as he soon realized that these green, glowing chickens were about to knock the fence over. Stepping back fearfully, he was about to turn and retreat when the fence gave way. 

THOUSANDS of chickens tumbled out and feathers littered the air. Chickens landed on Jhonen and covered him in blanket of beaks, feet, and feathers. Shrieking insanely, some began to lay green eggs on him while others ran back and knocked over barrels labeled green spam. (AN: I must have read Dr. Sues one too many times.) Just when the chickens were about to suffocate Jhonen with giant napkins with teddy bears, a whistle pierced the air.

Jhonen sighed in relief as the chickens herded away from him. Someone distributed spuds to the chickens who ate them with glee.  Jhonen continued to lie in a daze listening to the chickens hack the spuds into bits before a shadow fell over him.

Looking up, Jhonen found a young girl looming over him. She giggled lightly and thrust a hand in his face. "Hey there. You must be Jhonen. Funny, you seem taller than I thought." The girl put her closer to him and he absently took it. Hauling him to his feet, the girl turned and walked towards a stump covered with a big blue pillow. Sitting down, she signaled him over. "Well, come on! Times a wasting and I have to get more spuds for the chickens!" Jhonen nodded and hobbled over.

"Um, could you possibly tell me who you are?" Jhonen asked.

"I'm Evil Ducky!"

"YOU'RE EVIL DUCKY?! As in the one who sent a chicken to tell me about the Holy Printer of Inkiness?" Jhonen gaped.

"The one and the same," smiled Evil Ducky.

"Oh okay. So what am I doing here and where exactly IS here?"

"Well, you are in a dream or as some like to call it a vision. I am sorta supposed to be that weird voice that tells you stuff and echoes a lot. You know that all knowing voice you can't see?"

"I can see you though," Jhonen said flatly.

"YOU CAN? Oh, whoops. I guess I messed up on that minor detail. Oh well, doesn't matter. So, I am supposed to tell you a message. LA lalla lala la la la LA!!"

"The message is LA lalla lala la la la LA?"

"What? Oh, no. I am just exercising my voice because you have to have a certain voice for this to have the right effect."

"Oh, of course." Jhonen watched as Evil Ducky continued to exercise her voice. She soon began to sing and sang such songs as "The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of AAAHHH!!" (AN: That one's for you Daphne. That is very fun to sing if you run down a hill) "Oh give Me a Home Where the Mufflers Roam" (AN: I like to sing this when my family be stuck in traffic) "Dancing Spleen" (AN: For someone who yearns for an original prom) "Blue Loon" (An: Yes, the sad remake of a story about a lunatic. Sniff) and of course, Figaro. 

Jhonen glanced at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. A small vein began to pop out of his head, as he grew more and more irritated. He began to grunt with agitation. It was not long before he screamed, interrupting Evil Ducky when she was half way through "Mary had a little spam." "WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"

"How rude. All right, I suppose my voice is exercised. Ahem," Evil Ducky cleared her throat and closed her eyes in concentration. After about a minute of this, she spoke in a very deep, blowing voice. "If you bake it, ask a bum." (AN: I am just spoofing everything, no? This be from a movie, can't recall what it's called though. -_0)

"Um, what?"

"Don't look at me, I didn't write this."

"Write what?" 

Suddenly, a voice boomed out of nowhere, "ABSOLUTLY NOTHING! NOOOOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG! Pay it no heed." (AN: Well, there goes the surprise.-_-)

"Where did THAT come from?" Jhonen jumped around and tried to find the voice.

"Um, NOWHERE!" Evil Ducky screamed realizing she had made a boo boo. "It was a, um, well another holy voice like me. Only, it was my boss, uh yeah that's it. Now, bye! YOU MUST BE OFF! The chickens, they call! GOODBYE! Oh, and I'm stealing this!" Evil Ducky exclaimed as she stole Jhonen's boot. Jhonen attempted to run after her when all of a sudden…

            Jhonen shrieked as he fell off of a green, fuzzy couch. Opening one eye slowly, he quickly remembered that he was in Dib's house. (AN: If Dib's couch is not green, then he got a new one after rather spiky monster sat in it so he could watch his favorite show.) A sweet odor assaulted Jhonen's nostrils mid yawn and he wandered into the kitchen after replacing the boot that was stolen by Evil Ducky. (AN: Good thing he had a spare) He picked up a note that had been scribbled on the door addressed to him and began to read it.

Dear Jhonen,

I just realized that that sounds familiar. Have you been to a paranormal convention? Oh, anyway I just wanted to let you know that I left because since today is Saturday I have time to stop Zim. So yeah, that is what I am doing. Do NOT freak out and blow up the toaster. (Jhonen snapped his fingers in disappointment)

TOUCH THE CEREAL OR SODA OOORRR PIZZA AND FACE MY WRATH AND LITTLE HEL….

GIVE ME THAT GAZ! Sisters. OW! Hey what did I do? 

YOU stole the last chocolate bar.-_-*

Well, SOR~RY! Wait, why are we writing this down? Um, bye!

~Dib~

PS: I will try to relay info. on Zim back to you by the end of the day.

 Jhonen stood still for all of five minutes before shredding the note and attacking the refrigerator. It took him only a few seconds to notice that half of the food stock was missing, including the sodas and pizza. "Where…?" wondered Jhonen.

"Looking for something?" questioned a cool voice. A girl with long flowing black hair, black high heel boots, a velvet skort (AN: It looks like a skirt but is really a pair of shorts), a backwards velvet black hat, GIANT loop earrings, a TON of necklaces, and a silver and black tee shirt with the words "I'm not crazy. You're just too sane for your own good" written on the back, dropped down from the ceiling. Munching on some cold pizza, she leaned causally against the wall. "Hey there. You're Jhonen and I'm Gothic Relena. Normally, I would drop to your feet in worship but a certain SOMEONE has taped a VERY powerful explosive to my back and forbidden me to do so. So, shall we get started then?"

"Who are…where did…how did…should I…WIAT! Did you say explosive?" Jhonen's eyes widened considerably.

"Erm, yep. Now, I really don't have time to fiddle fart around so if we can get this over with soon, the higher chance there is that the bomb won't go off. I frankly don't want my organs all over the place and I am assuming you don't either."

"Yea. Can I ask what it is we're supposed to get started on though?"

"The duck gave you the message?" Jhonen nodded. "Well, as you know then if you bake it, then ask a bum."

"Right! One question, WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY MOTHER'S COW PAINTEDD PLASTIC WRAP DOES THAT MEAN?!"

"I can scream louder than you can."

"What does THAT have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Anyway, that means that you have to bake something to lure in and appease the bum."

"Why do we want to appease the bum?"

"I don't, you do."

"Then what do YOU want to do?"

"Get you to bake something to lure in and appease the bum."

"So, you want to get me to bake something to appease the bum which will somehow please you?"

"It would please me to please you by pleasing the bum so that the author is pleased and then all is happy."

"Please the bum who does what exactly?"

"The bum?"

"Yeah, is he stupid?"

"The bum is not dumb and you must please him to thumb a ride and hide to get inside."

"Wait, does the thumb give me a ride to hide inside of the bum?"

"No, bum not dumb. You hide to get inside."

"What happened to the thumb?"

"It's attached to your hand."

"My hand or the bum?"

"The bum needs not YOUR thumb and you are now acting dumb."

"Oh. Why are you rhyming?"

"To better improve the pun timing."

"And when is there a pun in all of this?"

"Look out the window." Jhonen obeyed and watched as a man walked by carrying a sign with the word "PUN" painted on it. (AN: Did you get ANY of that? Don't look at me, I'm confused too) "There you go."

"All right! So, what were we doing again?"

"I teach you bake. You bake catch bum. Bum give you ride. You go to building with holy printer. You hide to get in. Once in you ask printer what need know. You go home. The end."

Jhonen threw his arms in the air and cried, "Well, why didn't you say that in the first place?"

"Emu defiantly wrote this," sighed Gothic Relena. (AN: DARN STRAIGHT!) And so, Gothic Relena began to teach Jhonen how to cook and bake…things. After much yelling, attacking each other with plastic forks, and some egg juggling, the two stepped back to admire Jhonen's great work. It was a brownie with a dragon on it being chased by evil fans and said, "In loving Memory of Maniacal Dragon." (AN: Poor little Dragon)

"I actually made something that DIDN'T explode."

"Quite an accomplishment huh?" Gothic Relena and Jhonen shook hands. Turning, they were about to venture into the living room when without warning, a motorcycle crashed through the window. A person adorned completely in black stepped down and snatched up the brownie.

"Mmm…that is some FINE eating," stated the figure as it gulped down the remains of brownie.

"It is about time you got here Banter," Gothic Relena said in irritation. Banter shrugged in return and began to lick up some stray frosting.

"Okay then. Um, who are you?" inquired Jhonen who was slightly mad that his creation was so ruthlessly destroyed.

"Me? Oh, I am Banter."

"He means he's the bum who will take you to the printer and help get you in since it is heavily guarded."

"Oh," was all Jhonen managed to mutter before he was yanked onto the bike by Banter. Waving, banter climbed back on and drove back out the broken window. Gothic Relena shook her head and then admired the knife she had swiped from Jhonen before walking away. (AN: It was a shiny red pocketknife that had a broken blade)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elsewhere, two Irken ships landed in Zim's front yard. Luckily, since everyone was SO stupid, the act went unnoticed. Two Irken females hopped out of the pods openings and nodded calmly to each other in greeting. A single SIR unit screamed madly as it skipped out of a ship. It then began to hug nearby inanimate objects while one of the Irkens sighed ashamedly. The other Irken patted her giant sword and then smirked. The Irkens laughed lightly and then accompanied each other to the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elsewhere, elsewhere, Cyn painfully dragged herself out of the manhole hole and then she hobbled away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere a lone figure gazed at a screen filled with Jhonen's image. The figure sat motionless in a room completely submerged in darkness. Sharp pointed teeth protruded from its dark silhouette. Raking it finger together, it smiled wickedly. 

            A voice fizzled over an intercom. "Ma'am we have pinpointed Jhonen's location."

            "Very good, proceed to plan D."

            "Plan D?" asked the voice startled."

            "Yes, plan D. Now get to it."

            "Yes mistress Synia."

Cruel laughter floated into the air. "Yesss," the figure known as Synia hissed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, the mouse creature bits started to regroup.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, _elsewhere, _a little boy wailed in agony as his little bath buddy, "Mr. Squeak," the duck, was accidentally flushed down the toilet. (AN: poor duck)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, the…

"STOP IT ALREADY!"

"HEY! Who are you to interrupt the mighty author?"

"I am the amazing magical book!"

"What? Oh yeah. Well, what do you care? You weren't even in THIS chapter!"

"That is why it stinks."

"IT DOES NOT! You take that back!"

"No."

"RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"

**Elevator music fills the air as the screen goes blank. After a short while, Emu, that would be me, walks out on stage.**

"Ahem, due to difficulties beyond our control, the magic book has just been brutally librarized. Sorry for any inconvenience. 

THE END (For now, tee hee)

Puppetmon: Why wasn't the book hospitalized?

Emu: Because, libraries take care of books.

Cat: Oh har har.

Emu: Anyway, that was a long chapter. I hope this make up for not reviewing in a while and I will continue soon. One more thing, ALL SHALL RETURN IN THE NEAR FUTURE! BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH MY LUNGS! SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT! ACK! THUD! **Faints**

Puppetmon: Kinda pathetic really.

Cat: **Nods**


	7. A short(Or maybe not short) interlude wi...

Emu: **Walks slowly out and a horn plays the death song** Greetings all of you wonderful f-f-fans. Sniff. I have some very unfortunate news. **Tears begin to stream down her face** I-I…I just OH I CAN'T SAY IT! It's TOO horrible. **Takes a deep breath** Due to difficulties beyond my control, I can no longer continue this fic.-_-, I am very sorry. **Starts to fade away**

Emu: **Runs back** GOTCHA! **Hides behind a couch to avoid the on-slaught of cheezed off readers** SORRY! It was a joke! A JOKE! I get just a little freaky at 3:00 in the morning OKAY?!

Cat: And she had tons of sodas so beware.

Puppetmon: Yep.

Emu: I am not that bad. Anywho, you all should appreciate this! My excuse for not writing sooner is that first my sis from college invaded with a friend and since they stayed in the computer room it meant no story for me. And now, my mom is on a cleaning spree and if I'm caught up this late and doing something other than washing or dusting, I AM BUSTED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Cat: Ha ha! I haven't had to clean anything!

Emu: Oh you just wait until it's time for your bath! YEEEESSSS!

Cat: WHAT?! NEVER!

Puppetmon: I'm staying out of it. Anyway, Emu STILL owns nothing okay? If she does own something then she'll tell you or let you guess.

Emu: RIGHT! ON WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER! Oh and one more thing. I just noticed that I failed to add in some people that asked to be in the last couple of chapters. For this I am eternally sorry! I AM NOT WORTHY! I will try to work you all into this chapter but it might be a little weird because so many of you asked. THAT IS NOT A BAD THING mind you, it just means more thinking on my part. BUT ON TO THE FIC!!!

CLANG! Zim's head whipped around and his two red orbs pieced the darkness. Something was in his lab, he was sure of it. The only question was what? (AN: I KNOW! I KNOW! PICK ME!)

            Grabbing the metal pipe he was working on, he carefully inched forward. His eyes darted from side to side looking for his unknown opponent. Finding his voice he yelled, "WHO ARE YOU? You have wondered into the lair of ZIM! Get out now or face the mighty wrath of ZIM! DO NOT INVOKE THE WRATH! THE RUBBER DUCKIES COMMAND IT!" (AN: I like duckies.)

            A small squeaky noise was heard followed by a soft giggle. Then without warning, something slammed into Zim's head. The pipe ripped from Zim's grasp and flung into a wall. Screaming madly, Zim ran in circles before looking at the object that had so viciously attacked him. His eye twitched slightly at what he saw, and that was a little piggy. (AN: MORE PIGGIES! They seem quite popular, no?)

            Growling, Zim began shrieking, "GIR! What are you doing? I told you I was BUSY! Too busy for you and your pathetic little piggies! They squeak offensively at me! They tell me…things. Things that are not important to me! Now get your piggy and leave!"

            Gir calmly tapped Zim's back and looked at him innocently. "What are you talking about master? I was watching the Scary Monkey Show. That is not my piggy. BUT LOOK AT IT! IT IS SO FUZZY AND HAPPY! IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN A PIGGY GOT STUCK IN YO HEAD! WWWWWEEEEE HE HE!" (AN: HOW did they manage to remove that piggy and then insert Zim's brain?)

            "But if it's not your piggy then who…?" Zim wondered, ignoring Gir's insane squeals. Just then, a huge hunk of metal jumped on Zim and then started dancing with Gir. It took Zim two seconds to realize that it was in fact another SIR unit.

            This SIR unit bore an uncanny resemblance to GIR except for two major differences. First off, it had purple glowing eyes and a flower of a shiny blue draped over its antenna, also it was a girl. (AN: Or female, which ever you prefer.) The new SIR gleefully tackled an overjoyed Gir and the two rolled on the floor.

            "Giz? What on earth is Giz doing here?" Zim scratched his chin. (An: Does he HAVE a chin? Can you call it a chin anyway? AND WAIT! How can he hear without ears? Does he use his antenna? WHAT IF THEY FELL OFF? Would he be deaf? I AM SO CONFUSED! AAAAAAAAAAAAA **Runs around screaming**) "Hold it, if Giz is here then that would mean that…" Zim was cut off as two Irken hands covered his eyes.

            "GUESS WHO?" the owner of the hands shrieked.

            "Zip?!" Zim questioned aghast. Zip was the good friend of Zim from the academy. (AN: NO! Not the academy for cooks! The academy for invaders) Zip was a female of about Zims height, one of the reasons they got along, had brilliant blue eyes, wore a blue uniform, the mirror of Zim's, and had a blue flower at the base of her left antenna much like her SIR unit Giz. (AN: Aw they are joined in almighty shortness. Hey, I'm short too so no making fun all you freakishly tall people! CoughJemCough)

            "It is I! Oh, and I brought a friend!" At that announcement another Irken dropped down and landed gracefully by Zip. (AN: AAAAA It's raining Irkens!) This Irken was a female like the first but had black eyes that had the frightening ability to appear to bore into your head. 

            "You brought Dark Destiny with you?" questioned Zim. (AN: STOP RIGHT THERE! How did an Irken get a name like that you ask? Blame the eyes! THE EYES!)

            A huge blade flashed out of nowhere and appeared in Dark Destiny's hands. "You have a problem with that? LALALA! CAUSE IF YOU DOOOOOOO you can get a small puppy that quacks! BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL ON YOUR BRAIN! BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL!" (AN: Why blue? What happens if someone is colorblind? HUH? What then Miss little store microphone lady!!! WHAT?)

            "No," replied Zim warily. Why did Zip have to bring Dark Destiny of all Irkens with her? Dark Destiny you see was the fabled insane Irken that was totally unpredictable. This was one of the reasons she made a good Invader though. 

            Dark Destiny smiled slightly and the sword disappeared. Zim just stared in shock before gathering his wits. (AN: HE HAS WITS?!) "What are you two doing here? If you think that you're taking over MY mission then you will suffer!"

            "I'm hurt," replied Zip sullenly. "Here I am your bestest friend and you accuse me! Sniff! Oh woe that has been bestowed upon me."

            "Wellllll?" Zim impatiently tapped his foot.

            "Huh? Oh yeah. Um, what was the question?" Zip laughed.

            "We're here because the Tallest gave us the day off and IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU YEARN FOR COFFEE TOO?" Dark Destiny answered for Zip.

            "Oh, in that case good to see you Zip," Zim said disregarding Dark Destiny's question. 

                        At that moment, a LOUD ZANG was heard followed by various other sound effects. Jumping, the three Irkens turned in time to discover that Giz and Gir had succeeded in destroying a very advanced looking computer. (AN: it's not stupid. It's aaaadddddvvvvaaaannnncccceeed.) Gir glanced up apologetically and said, "Awwwww. It's broken."

            "Where's the pizza?" questioned Giz as she ripped out another cord. Tears filled her eyes when nothing happened. "WHY?! WHY?! I was gonna be your wife! COME BACK PIZZA! COOOOOMMMEEE BACK!" She began to pound on the computer and wail with deep hurt.

            SUDDENLY! Yes, that's right! SUDDENLY!!! WHAHAHAHHAHAAHA **Faints** (AN: MORE SUGAR!! YEESSSS!!! WAHA! Uh, anyway back to the story)

            Suddenly, a deafening beep began to sound. The computer flashed an array of brilliant colors. Smoke started to shoot out of the sides and flew up into the air. The floor shook furiously when the computer jumped and jerked.

            "MALFUNCTION! MALFFFFUUUUNNNCCTIIOOON! DANGER! DANGER! HHHEELLLLPPPP!" a booming voice screamed in a mechanical and incredibly obnoxious voice. (AN: Think of the AOL "you've got mail voice" but gone terribly, terribly wrong)

            With his hands stuffed in his ears, Zim tried to shout above the noise.  "OVERRIDE! SHUT OFF COMPUTER!" (AN: Again, does Zim have ears? Should I have said antenna up there? But then how can he stuff his hands in his antenna? Ack! Alien anatomy is so confusing.-_-)

            The computer buzzed before replying, "CANNOT OVERRIDE! WILL EXPLODE! EEEXXXPPPPLLLOOOODDDE I SAY!"

            "What?" Zip shrilly yelled becoming panicked. "DO SOMETHING!"

            "LIKE WHAT??? TELL IT TO DIE?" Zim sarcastically shouted.

            Giz started to clap her hands and danced with Gir as they both sang, "We're gonna die! YAY!"

            "GIR! That is NOT a good thing!" Zim snapped.

            "Oh, is it a happy thing?" Gir asked.

            "Or a confused thing?" Giz wondered.

All Zim did in response was to ashamedly shake his head. Zip, however, took the opportunity to cling onto Zim's head and scream fearfully. Zim's arms flailed in his attempt to dislodge the hysterical Irken girl. They both were screaming their lungs out when the computer reached its peak. (AN: Ew! Flying lungs!)

            "I GO BOOOOOMMMM NOW!" cried the computer.

            All looked hopeless when abruptly, the computers screen went blank. A 'huh?' rang out as both Irkens starred in confusion. It was then that Dark Destiny walked out calmly holding her sword and half of the main cord in her hand. She swung her sword once for effect and then it disappeared. "There you go," she said happily.

            "That's great, but couldn't you have just PULLED the plug out?" Zim asked with irritation.

            "Um, I guess I could have done that but then I wouldn't have gotten to use my cool sword."

            "Perfect," Zim sighed. "Now I'm gonna have to replace that."

            "Does that mean we're going out?" Zip smiled.

            "I guess it does."

            "WHOO HOO! WE'S GONNA GO OUT AND SQUEAL LIKE EELS!" Both Sir's were bouncing off the walls.

            Zip rubbed her hands together. "Great, now I get a chance to restock my OWN supplies and invent a new weapon!"

            "If we're going out, THEN WE MUST FIND AND CONQUER A COFFEE SHOP! I NEED it! If I DON'T get coffee then I'll start crying!" threatened Dark Destiny.

            "FINE! We shall visit your disgusting COFFEE shop. Come! We shall go!" With that, Zim turned and led the small crew out of his house as they dawned some shabby disguises.

            Meanwhile, Dib was strolling down the aisle of a hardware store at that very instant. He came up to an aisle crossing and cautiously looked left and then right. A paper blew across the aisles, seeming to be the only movement. Putting one foot slowly forward, Dib stepped into the aisle. 

He was halfway across when he heard something. A loud screeching was heard followed by some demonic laughing. Dib's head whipped up in time to see two shopping carts pushed by old women come zooming towards him at each side. He just barely jumped out of the way as the two carts slammed into each other, burying the old women in a pile of rubble.

Dib shook his head and sighed. "Some people just should not be allowed in public places." That said, he moved on.

After a lot more crashes, some narrow escapes, and evil little kids armed with hangers, Dib made it to the "tools for destruction and games and so much more" aisle. 

He was wandering down the aisle, glancing at this and that, when he heard a peculiar noise the next aisle over. (AN: Betcha can't guess who it is!) Standing on top of a robotic arm, he peeked over the shelves. What he saw was a little, well disturbing.

Standing in front of some toilet seats and clutching a gameslave protectively was a girl with poofy brown hair, glasses much like his own, combat boots, some plushies tied about her waist, a black t-shirt with the word DOOM! Written in red in big type, and baggy jeans. (AN: HA! I tricked you, yes? You thought it would be Zim and the others didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! WELL YOU WERE WRONG! WRONG I SAY! WAHAHAHA OH MY GUT! THE PPPPAAIIINNN!) She was starring intently at the toilet seats and mumbling under her breath. "Now which toilet seat would be more lethal? The one with the pink fuzzy cover or the one that has teletubies painted on it?"

Dib blinked a few times. How could a toilet seat be lethal and since WHEN did they come with sickingly happy, not to mention coughstupidcough, EVIL thingies on them?

Dib was pondering these things when the girl let out a loud yell. "I KNOW! I AM BRILLIANT!!! BBBRRIIILLLIANT! We compromise, yes?" With that, she grabbed the fuzzy cover, ripped it up a little, and attached the remains to the highly demonic teletubie toilet seat. "And there you have! YES! Twice as deadly. Let's see anyone get more than a foot near to me without suffering a very agonizing death. WAH!" It was at that moment that the girl happened to spy Dib gazing at her. "Hey there! And who are you? Are you toilet shopping also?"

"Not exactly. Um, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to do with that toilet seat?" Dib cocked his head to the side and raised and imaginary eyebrow. (AN: Where have all the eyebrows gone?)

"Weeeellll, I'm gonna take it and brutality attack anyone I consider a potential enemy or just plain obnoxious."

"I see."

"Soooo, what are you doing here?"

"Me? Oh you don't want to know about…well, actually I am a paranormal investigator, or I want to be and I believe….*insert long rambling alien lecture here* As you can see."

The girl just looked completely lost for a few soundless minutes. "Uh, so you think that this, Zim was it? Yes, this ZIM person is an alien?"

"Well, yes."

"Got any proof?"

"He's so…greeeeennn. And he has no ears or nose. Given all of this, he still hears everything SOMEHOW! I think it has to do with his antenna." (AN: YOU SEE? The antenna. YES! They are the key. **Nods**)

"Antenna? He has antenna? So what is he? Some sort of evil mutant bug from outer space?"

"Yes, something like that." The girl stared at Dib. Dib stared at the girl. The girl stared back at Dib. Dib stared BACK at the girl. The seconds ticked by as the girl bugged her eyes out in an attempt to out stare Dib. Dib, in return, bugged HIS eyes out and stared buggy eyed BACK at the girl. The girl seemed to pop her eyes out slightly and STARED back at Dib. A vein in Dib's head popped out as he POPPED HIS eyes out and stared at the girl. And then…a small child ran by screaming bloody murder as a ragged and deranged rat blob chased him.

Dib blinked and said, "That almost looked like that evil rat thing from earlier. What was it called, Ralph?" (AN: Hint to all of you out there in reader land, it was. Oh, and I decided that it would in fact be named Ralph so ha!)

The girl looked faintly startled but quickly broke the silence. "An alien? Sounds bizarre but I believe you! I am known as the Almighty Moo Cow, but you can just call me Moo."

"Really? You don't think I'm crazy?"

"I don't know you well enough to make that decision yet but I trust you."

"How can you trust me if you JUST met me?"

"Because you have a large head."

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"

"Nothing. Anyway, my explody plushies told me I could." At Dib's questioning look, Moo added, "I am NOT as dense as I seem. I can build ships and stuff if I wanted to. It might take me some time though."

"Okay. That does not matter now though, what matters is that you and I shall track down Zim and save the world TOGETHER!" Dib threw his arms up in the air and some wind and a spot light appeared.

"How'd you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know, the wind and spotlight thing."

"Oh that, well I actually bring my own fan and light with me in my coat. You know, to add effect." (AN: The mystery solved)

"Oh. I suppose that we should go get this Zim character then, but first to the check out line!" Moo pointed dramatically.

"Why the checkout line?" asked Dib.

"I have to buy my deadly toilet seat of doom."

"Oh, right. In that case, TO THE CHECKOUT LINE!" Dib pointed as well.

"HURRAY! ONE THING!" Moo yelled without moving from her dramatic pose.

"WHAT'S THAT?" Dib yelled back.

"THE CHECKOUT LINE IS THAT WAY!" Moo pointed in the opposite direction.

"Oh yeah. TO THE CHECKOUT LINE!" And so Dib and his new accomplish, Moo, ran to the checkout line to buy the toilet seat and then to find and expose Zim.

Speaking of Zim, he was at that second on the other end of town utterly lost. "Gir!" Zim cried and glared at the robot. "I thought I told you NOT to put anymore cupcakes in the space needed for ammo and information! And because you failed to listen, WE'RE LOST…AGAIN!" The robot just smiled ignorantly and jammed another cupcake into his mouth.

"Okay, so remind me again why we can't just ask for directions," said an exasperated Zip.

"BECAUSE you can't trust these FILTHY HUMAN STINK HOLES!" At that exclamation many stopped and stared at the small being who had made the outburst. Zim smiled sheepishly and pointed to a paper crumpled on the ground. "We are merely reading what is written in the vulgar human propaganda newspaper. NO NEED TO STARE! We LOVE earth!" Some people whispered behind there hands about the crazy people allowed on the streets now a days but moved on anyhow.

"Then couldn't we look at a map or something?" Zip said getting miffed. (AN: OOOOH 0.0 I like that word. ^_^)

"NEVER! WE SHALL NEVER SHINK SO LOW AS TO USE THEIR DEVICES!" Once again, a crowd stopped and looked oddly at the strange little man. (AN: Forgot to mention that he was in his old man outfit but you know now!) "READING!" Zim shouted in reply and again the crowd dissipated. 

"BUT I WANTS ME COFFE AND I WANTS IT NNNNOOOWWW!" Dark Destiny stomped her foot in a fit. 

"Coffee? DID SOME ONE NEED COFFEE?!" a voice seemed to come out of nowhere.  A bright and awe inspiraring light appeared and a being lifted up a glowing pencil. With a loud bellow, the pencil was slammed into the sidewalk and the people walking by suddenly parted. (AN: They were all wearing red. Get it? Huh? No? Aw fooey.) The being then smiled and stepped into the light to reveal…a girl. Not just a girl though, it was a girl WITH a pencil. It wasn't one of those cheap pencils either. Oh no, it was a SPECIAL pencil.  It was one that shone in the light and gleamed with a blinding radiance. Why, it gleamed so vibrantly that it blinded a man once. That man is now in a hospital somewhere, I think, getting eye surgery. But he shall NEVER forget that pencil. It will haunt him and it will haunt his children and his children's children and… oh, but that's not important.

"You! IT WAS YOU! You who so shouted to show your utter yearning for some warm brown to fill your little cup. Oh I feel your pain. I FEEL IT! Pig." The girl pointed to Dark Destiny.

"You? Do you like coffee? And you know my pain?" Dark Destiny asked quizzically.

"Oh yes! YES I KNOW! Oh how I know! You have been infected with a deep-rooted addiction that cannot be suppressed. Like socks! SOCKS! They are in your shoe but does that mean they are not important? Do they not store your cheese?" The girl stepped up on a soapbox and continued her speech.

"YOU! Burger lord! Take me to the meat."

"HEY! I said that! How did you know?" Zim shrieked suspiciously.

"I know everything! YOU! FEAR THE FIST!" The girl yelled at Zim.

"STOP QUOTING ME! You are…are…"

"Dumb like a moose! DUMB LIKE A MOOSE!"

"Well, yes you are," Zim said quite confused.

"ANYWAY, back to my speech on the deep need for coffee and other such necessary items. Ahem, oh what is true agony? I shall tell you, all you sad and naive people! A cup! A crumpled up cup that has spent its last drop on some ungrateful bozo! How can the world be so cruel? WHY IS THERE SO MUCH PAIN?! The pain when your stomach gurgles for a yummy treat but the jerk in front of you has STOLEN YOUR fair share of the food of greatness. We must rebel! FIGHT THE HUNGER! GRAB YOUR SHARE OF LIFE! GO! GO AND GRASP IT BEFORE SOME SMO GETS TO IT FIRST!" The girl then proceeded to take a bow and received applause from Dark Destiny. Everyone else shrugged and then went off to buy their fair share of the coffee supply.

"She makes for a semi okay motivational speaker, don't she?" asked a small mouse cat mix with long ears, perched from atop Gir's head.

"Ohhh Is you a kitty?" Gir questioned.

"The world may never know. NEVER I SAY! NOOOO! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA…I'm okay." The mouse cat jumped from Gir's head and landed in front of the strange girl.

"Who are you?" Zip wanted to know.

"Who am I? WHO AM I? I…uh….um…" The girl looked hopefully at the mouse cat.

"She's Saturnia and I am Vixen. Her humble and somewhat crazy travel companion." At that moment a big fiery bird just showed up.

"KILL! KILL! KILL!" It screamed and then just left.

"What was that big birdy?" Giz squealed as she tried to grab a burning feather that the bird had left behind.

"That was an evvvvilll birdy. It messes with Saturnia's head. It tells her…things. Like destroy, kill, and don't touch MY HOTDOG! It's MY hotdog! I bought it! ME! I only stole YOUR money to do it but it's STILL MMMMIIINNNEEEE!!!" Vixen gesticulated wildly and seemed to grab for an imaginary hotdog.

"Anywho, you needed to get to a coffee shop?" Saturnia addressed the matter at hand.

"Yes! YES WE DO! We would be eternally grateful if you would assist us! Why, we'd even sacrifice a rubber carrot for you!" Dark Destiny said before any of the others had a chance to answer. (AN: I got a carrot sacrificed for me. Yes! Hehehe)

"I can help you then! Watch as I take my MAGIC pencil and draw us there!" And without another interruption, Saturnia drew a portal that somehow became real and sucked all of the bewildered Irkens and their Sirs units into it. Then, Saturnia and Vixen jumped in as well just as the portal sparkled and was gone.

Elsewhere, Gaz grunted and continued to trudge down the sidewalk. Her cousin, Bri, was at her left and seemed equally annoyed. Bri had accidentally blown up an oven and since Dib was nowhere to be seen, Gaz and Bri had to go and get a new one. How does one manage to BLOW UP an oven you ask? Well you see, that was one of the many mysteries that was Bri. Oh sure, she looked normal enough with her deep black hair high lighted with blood red streaks, with her blood colored tank top, black baggy jeans, a armband in the shape of a serpent, and a black D that hung about her neck from a strong cord, but she wasn't. Okay, maybe that didn't sound too normal but that still does not change the fact that she wasn't for…OTHER reasons. Not only did she have odd gray eyes that were hidden behind her thick frames but she had special psychic and telekinetic capabilities.  

Those can be annoying you know. I mean, one minute you're trying despairingly to put together some molten goo that you can dub dinner when the oven purposely burns you. SHAM ON THE OVEN! You start to scream loud obscenities and fail to notice the faint glow that has surrounded you. Just when you've FINALLY calmed down ….BOOM! There goes the oven, leaving you with a new window. Unfortunately for you, there goes dinner and it gets drafty. Honestly, don't you think that would get rather irritating? BOOM! There goes the microwave. BOOM! There goes the sink. BOOM! There goes the TV. BOOM! There goes the house and you now find yourself lost in a subway somewhere being eyed strangely by the homeless guy in the corner.

After that, you're stuck there with the guy and no one to talk to. You just sit in a corner and hope that the rats will come back so that you can play poker. Then again, that one fat rat looks VERY suspicious! He's won FAR too many times. TOO MANY I SAY! That's about the time that you realize that you've lost what little money you have to a rat. A RAT! Of course, it's a really cute rat. This being the case, you become good friends and then hold shows of the incredible talents of one rat and girl in a subway car.

You are almost rich enough to exit the subway when that weird little buggy-eyed guy steals your money AND your rat. NO! There goes your only friend. You are now doomed to die a lonely death in a subway with the "weirdoes".  Of course, that's when you realize that you could've just teleported OUT of the subway with your powers. Say bye bye to two years of your life. Too bad, then you get back together and a year later…BOOM!

DO YOU ALL UNDERSTAND?!?!?! No? Oh well, it's really not that important. (AN: **Plays with a rat** What? They really are cute.)

Bri smiled and thanked the mighty gods that they had arrived at last at their destination. Pushing open the hardware store door, she shuffled inside. A somewhat remarkable sight greeted her. The hardware store was MASSIVE! Every appliance imaginable could be seen towering in the distance. Microwaves were piled high on lofty shelves and tools were stacked upon one another. Refrigerators littered the halls and it seemed as though this store was a haven for blenders.

"Wow," Bri breathed as she looked down the never-ending hallways.

"Eh," grunted Gaz a little less enthusiastic.  Bri shoot her a glare in reply, which went unnoticed. Puffing out her chest indignantly, Bri strutted forward in search of an oven. Gaz stood like a statue for a few minutes before a beeped resounded, proclaiming Gaz's victory over the last level of her ever-present gameslave. She shrugged before trailing after a retreating Bri. 

Bri was searching frantically for an oven when she hit something. Falling over, she rubbed her head while Gaz walked up slowly. Both girls looked over at what Bri had run into and were greatly, maybe not greatly, somewhat, um no, slightly, yes, that's it. SLIGHTLY shocked to find themselves looking at a girl hiding under a lampshade.

            "What are you doing?" asked Bri as she approached.

            "Me? There is no one here! NO ONE!" replied the girl.

            "Yes there is," insisted Bri. She then flung off the lampshade to further prove her point. The girl cried out and ducked behind a vacuum cleaner. (AN: vacuum is spelled oddly)

"What's wrong with you?" Bri spoke incredulously.

"THEY'RE AFTER ME!"

"Who?"

"The…..the….the….."

"Do they actually have a name?"

"THE ANIMORPHS PEOPLE!"

"Um, who?"

"They are crazy! CRAZY I SAY!. You see, it all started….well, a while ago. I was innocently minding my own business when they decided that I should die in one of their stories. DIE! I didn't think I deserved that so I called them crazy poo poo heads. Then they chased me here. Here to this unholy pile of mechanical devices. Sadly, they are still chasing me."

"Why don't you just leave the store?"

"I kinda got lost."

"How is it possible to get lost in a…" Bri was cut short as she turned around to discover that she was indeed lost. The only thing is sight was a long and winding hallway that seemed at least 5 miles long in every direction. No sign of life appeared anywhere. "DARN IT ALL!" Bri screeched. 

"Well, it could be worse," the girl commented.

"Why don't you just transport us all out of here?" Gaz didn't even lift her eyes for the game slave.

"We still need the oven," Bri sighed.

"Oven? YOU need an oven?"

"No, we just said that to confuse you." Bri stared at the girl and she starred back. "Yes, we need an oven."

"Well, why didn't you say so? My name is Cristin by the way. Follow me." That said, Cristin opened up a refrigerator to reveal a hidden passage way. "Come on! THIS WAY!" Bri sighed and followed Cristin into the dark hallway hidden in the refrigerator.

"You've got to be kidding," Gaz shook her head and took off in the opposite direction.

            Elsewhere….

            "NO! Don't START!" A book is viciously brutalized.

            Ahem, elsewhere…

A screen glowed showing Jhonen holding onto a bicycle for dear life. In the corner of the screen, the road up ahead stretched on ward. Two black shadows flickered and place something in the road. They then bowed towards the screen and sat in the tall grass.

            An evil smirk filtered across Synia's face. All was almost in order and operation Steal Jhonen would begin. She sat back and sighed in contentment. Things would get interesting in a few short moments. VERY interesting…

Emu: HURRAY! I finished it! The whole thing only took me…2 and a-half weeks to write from the time I started it. Oh, sorry if you again were not in this chapter, but if I continued this it would drag on too. I would also likely screw it up.

Cat: You mean it isn't already?

Puppetmon: Well, I don't see any screws in it. **A drum roll is heard** WACHA!

Cat: 0.o

Emu: 0_0

Puppetmon: YOU JUST DON'T GET IT! WWWWWWWAAAAAA **Runs away and hides**

Emu: Okay, anyway, I will get the next chapter out MUCH sooner but I have to write new chapters for 3 other stories first. At least the weekend is almost here.

Cat: And the birds are back. Hehehe

Emu: 0.o;

Cat: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **Lightening flashes**

Emu: Be afraid. FLY ASWAY BIRDS! FLYYYY!!! Wait, Emu's are birds… Um, I'll just be leaving now. BYE! **Runs away**


End file.
